It was pitch black and the meditation had been in progress for at least 10 minutes. The leader of the group had walked past her back in the dark after giving her some energy and healing by holding her hands over the back of the sitter's head. After the leader passed on by, the sitter suddenly thought a deceased friend might be at her back. She could feel her hair being touched by weightless hands and her sinus area warming, as if the same unseen, weightless hands then hovered over that area where she often had so much pain and misery.
Abruptly, the thought popped into her mind--was it her meditative mind?--that her friend who had died the year before might be with her tonight. Then she developed one of her characteristic attacks of doubt. In the deep darkness, eyes closed, it was suddenly hard to imagine that what crossed her mind about the friend visiting her there in the dark of the psychic development classroom could possibly be anything but a figment of her imagination.
Her friend had been dead for many months and still the ache was there whenever she looked into her heart. She tried not to see into her heart any more, especially not unexpectedly. It was bad enough to see the actual places in the world where they had eaten and talked, and to hear the music that they had made together.
Her friend had been her accompanist and one of the people she was most comfortable with of all the people she had ever known. But her friend was gone now and all she could feel was hope that the sadness was about over. It had taught her that in such things, true to traditional wisdom, one simply has to endure until they wear themselves out. Death had not touched her this deeply since she had been a teenager and three close family members had died within a year's time.
She brought her thoughts back to center, back to the zero point on the inner clock, back to resting. Almost immediately, the idea came again that her old friend was there. Her reason tried to take over, tried to enter in through the meditative wall she had raised against self-generated thought. The trick to Spiritualist meditation was waiting passively and just observing whatever crossed the horizon of mind.
She continued in that manner, but the thought still came to her and now it came with a further idea-that if she opened her eyes, she would see a purple ball of light which would tell her that her friend was, indeed, there in the circle with her.
She considered doing what she had felt was suggested to her, but she couldn't, in the end, do it. She simply couldn't. She was TOO SKEPTICAL! She was not going to follow the silent suggestion, and then when she followed it, be bitterly disappointed and feel like a fool. The idea of the purple ball of light being there on the floor where she would see it if she opened her eyes continued to lure her-but, no! She would not be fooled. She kept her eyes closed and returned once more to the meditative zero place, waiting for images. But now no more came.
Then the voice of the group leader came through the dark, saying they should count off-and, one by one they counted--one, two, three, and so on--until all six had spoken their numbers from out of the darkness. Everyone was accounted for; they knew that none had remained in an altered state, and the lights were turned on again after a brief closing prayer as they stood holding hands in a circle in the dark.
When they were again seated, each of the members of the circle shared what they had seen or heard or smelled or sensed in any way during the meditation. When it was the sitter's turn, she related everything she had seen and sensed except the persistent thought that her friend was there and she would see him as a purple ball of light if she would simply open her eyes. She didn't mention that because now, with the lights on and meditation at an end, she felt embarrassed to admit the enormous degree of her doubt.
She finished her brief accounting and then the next person to the left of her, Lisa, spoke about what had happened to her. She said, "I had a fantastic experience. I suddenly felt that I had to open my eyes because I would see something there if I did. When I opened them, I saw a purple ball of light near the floor which simply faded away after a few minutes. It was so beautiful. I've never seen anything quite like that before."
The sitter did not know what to say. She felt people would think she was only making up what had really been impressed upon her since she had not produced it when it was her turn to speak that evening. But most of all, she was simply overawed by what Lisa had said. She could scarcely believe she had heard Lisa say that a purple ball of light had actually appeared In the classroom circle just as the "thought" had come to her that one would appear to her if she, too, would only open her eyes.
She knew now that her friend had been there. Maybe it would have been more "evidential" if she, the sitter, had seen it, too. But that Lisa had seen it was enough. Her friend had been there and had apparently been trying hard to tell her so, but in the end, her pride, and the skepticism that made her believe she was just "imagining things," had done her in.
From that night onward, she believed in what she got in meditation in a way she never had believed before.--thanks to the purple ball of light that she had thought couldn't possibly be there!